Decisions, Decisions...

As I'm nearing the final leg of this extruciatingly amazing adventure known as college, I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by how many choices I have and utterly lost with the decision making process. Do I want to go to graduate school in Florida? Do I want to go to graduate school in a different state? Do I want to take some time off and really figure out what it is I want to specialize in? Do I want to spend a year teaching English to students in a different country? As you can tell, my list goes from VERY safe, to VERY risky. To be completely honest, only one of those options really appeals to me and I'm incredibly terrified/excited/nervous/anxious/...happy about it. When I think about the life I would have if I chose this route, the feeling of happiness completely takes over. It feels like it's what I am supposed to do, or at least what I want to do so badly I'm telling myself it's what I'm supposed to do. Since we're being honest, the thought of spending more time than necessary in Florida urks me. It gives me that feeling of being completely trapped, of suffocating. Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to move out of this state. I want to see the seasons change, I want to experience life outside of my comfort zone, I want to experience an entirely different culture, and maybe even have a summer that doesn't involve turning my car on (AC full blast) ten minutes before I leave to avoid third degree burns on my palms from my steering wheel. Don't get me wrong, there are many things I love about Florida; the beaches, the Florida sun, the entertainment, the fact that I can get just about anywhere in a matter of 40 minutes, and more importantly, my friends and family. These are all things I can come back to. My real friends and family are just a phone call away, and I will make new friends along the way. The beaches will always be here, as will the sun, and the entertainment will only get better (because I will ALWAYS live in a city...there is no country for this girl unless I'm visiting...or in Tuscany). The only hesitations I have about leaving the state for good (unless I magically realize how much I love it and move back) are my cousin, (Sarae) and my God daughter, (Ellie). Will they understand why I left? Will Sarae and I still have the relationship we have now? Will Ellie even know who I am? No matter how many times I throw these questions around in my head, the fact remains that this is my life, my future, and I have to make these decisions based on what I want, the life I want, and what I know will bring me the most fulfillment. I refuse to allow myself to become the 90 year old woman (yes, I will live until I'm 90, because I said so) that looks back on her life and thinks "I really wish I would have done A, B, and C, instead of X, Y, and Z." Do I want to get married? Yes. Do I want to have kids? Yes. BUT I want to do these things AFTER I've lived my life. I want to see the world, and make my own traditions so when I'm finally read to settle down, there will be no regrets. I will one day be able to say to my kids that I was able to devote my life to them, because I had already devoted it to myself instead of saying (like so many do) "I absolutely do not regret you, but I wish I would have lived my life a little first". I will be able to spend the rest of my life with my husband (happily) because I lived a fulfilled life before him. Let me just add (so as not to offend people) I'm saying these things because it's the life I want, and I have absolutely nothing against people that want to get married and have kids and never leave the town they were raised in, if that's the life they want. If we all strive to live the lives we dreamed of as children, the world would be a much happier place. So here's to the ending of my safe life, and to the beginning of the one that will leave me breathless. :)

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

-Maria Robinson

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs, is people who have come alive."

-Howard Thurman

Change Your Life One Thought At a Time

Let's talk about the future. Some of the most frequently asked questions include but are not limited to, "where are you going?", "where do you want to live?", "what do you want to be?", "do you want to get married and have children?" and the list goes on. We've all put some sort of thought into the people we are one day going to become. While I understand this concept, I'm more of a believer in evolving into the person you are "going to become" EVERY day. You're not just going to wake up one day and say to yourself, "this is the day. I am now the person that I have been dreaming of becoming. My life is complete." If we stop wanting to be something more than what we are, we're never going to be more than what we limit ourselves to be. Never try to out do yourself, appreciate the moment and what it means in your life but always try to better yourself. Ask questions such as "how can I make myself a better person?" or "how can I make my life what I want and know it can be?"  Make a list of all of the things you want in/for your life, focus on them and make them happen. We are all given the same time in a day, week, month, year etc. do something with that time. Set goals and expect yourself to follow through with them. Sharing your goals with someone else is always beneficial in achieving them. If you say them out loud and to another person, you're now accountable and will be more likely to stay good on your word. Our thoughts are often always our future. There is nothing more powerful than the mind and what it can do. You are literally creating your life with every thought you have about it, and about yourself. Re-evaluate your thoughts, compose them with things that will only better your life. Don't focus on the negative, doing this will only bring more negativity into your life. Stop looking at other people as the source of your sadness, anger, happiness, fears, etc. and look in the mirror. YOU are the source of ALL of these feelings. Yes, someone might break your heart, but by allowing yourself to suffer you're allowing them to control your emotions. Life isn't as complicated as we think. Direct your thoughts in a positive direction, imagine the life you want and live it. Take every painful event, every obstacle and every detour as a learning experience. You will ALWAYS come out with a better perspective, and will ultimately be happier in your own life IF you allow yourself to be. Again, we ALL have the same time in a day. What are you going to do with yours?

"It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how they are themselves."

-Carl Jung

"Though we can't always see it at the time, if we look upon events with some perspective, we see things always happen for our best interests. We are always being guided in a way better than we know ourselves.

-Swami Satchidananda

"When you welcome your emotions as teachers, every emotion brings good news, even the ones that are painful."

-Gary Zukav

Thank You For Nothing, Again

Have you ever been attempting a conversation with someone and while they are pretending that they are listening (nodding their head, muttering the occasional “oh” and “yeah”) in reality they are too preoccupied with everything else going on around them?  When I say ‘everything else’ I am referring to unsubstantial things such as watching television and playing games. This is something I’ve been experiencing with someone in my life and let me just tell you, it makes my blood boil. I’m not an unrealistic person actually, it’s quite the opposite. I do enjoy a dream every now and again, but I also believe that dreams aren’t good for anything unless you put them into motion. Having said that, I understand that people aren’t always going to want to listen, and sometimes, you’re not always going to want to talk, nevertheless, this person enjoys pretending that we have some sort of great relationship to everyone else. Just a little hint, we don’t. They like to tell people about my life (like whatever I tell them is any of their business to be spouting out to others) which, in turn has taught me not to tell them anything at all, they think doing something I’ve asked them to do 4 months ago is supposed to get some sort of positive response from me, and the list goes on. When I am talking to this person they aren’t listening. I could be telling them about an absolutely horrible day and they will just nod and continue to piddle around. Sometimes I consider telling them I just came from the doctor and was told I have 3-6 months to live just to see if they will respond. I find this incredibly annoying. You know the feeling you get when you’re so annoyed with someone, you want absolutely nothing to do with them? For me, this feeling starts in my chest, I can feel it tighten as I’m becoming more and more perturbed, then I start going over everything I would like to say in my head, playing out the entire conversation (winning the argument, of course) and finally I walk away, because if I don’t I will say the things going on in Tia land and if you know me, you know that’s probably not a good thing. The feeling ends with literally not speaking to them, and being highly (and I mean HIGHLY) annoyed when they so much as look in my direction.

Something that I’ve learned recently is to not expect a person in your life to be the person that you are. In other words, don’t expect your best friend to drop everything he/she is doing to hang out with you just because you would do the same for them. Or, if you’re in a relationship, try and steer clear of the “I can’t believe you did that. I would never do something like that” remark. Living your life this way will only end in consistent disappoint. If you’re going to choose to have someone in your life, you have to have all of them, and that includes the parts you don’t like. HOWEVER, I find it incredibly rude when someone is hearing the sounds coming out of your mouth, but they aren’t listening to the words. This may seem a little harsh of me, given the fact that communication (speaking, listening, understanding) is a part of what I do on a daily basis and is now sort of a part of my being BUT, isn’t it what we all do? Communication is the key to a successful relationship, whether it be with your significant other, employer, parent, or friend. Without communication, your relationship WILL fail. Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble with that one. This relationship of mine is on its way to the chopping block and the turn around isn’t looking so good. Listen when someone is talking to you. You know when someone is venting and when someone needs feedback, it’s not hard to distinguish. If you just listen and learn how to speak to someone (as oppose to at someone) you will find that your relationships are progressing to the positives, and you will generally be much happier.

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

-Steven Covey

"When people talk, listen completely. Most people  never listen."

 -Ernest Hemingway

"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."

-Tony Robbins

Living on Earth is Expensive, but it Does Include a Free Trip Around The Sun Every Year

As I mentioned before, this past year I was determined to travel as much as possible. I didn’t  have a plan (that I knew of) , I didn’t know where I wanted to go, all I knew was that I was going to go places I wasn’t able to go for the previous four and a half years. I don’t believe in regrets because they’re just a complete waste of time, but I will say being in a long-distance relationship tends to limit your traveling experiences. For three of our four years together I spent all of my vacations visiting That One Boy and can honestly say I didn’t mind at all. It wasn’t until he decided to ruin everything that I realized he wasn’t worth missing out on the one thing I’ve wanted to do since I was a little girl. I used to dream about traveling the world when I was younger; it started when I realized Belle (from “Beauty and The Beast”) didn’t live in Florida . I needed to know exactly where she lived ( Province , France ) and I needed to go there.  Unfortunately for me, I haven’t made it to Province yet but when I do I will pretend I’m a Disney Princess and spend my days singing through the streets of a random village where all of the villagers will hang out of their windows and sing back to me. Let’s hope they don’t practice the art of baker acting in France . Okay, back to reality. I decided to start my year of adventure as soon as possible; thus, leaving for Nashville on January 5, 2010. It’s not as random as you probably think. I have family in Nashville and a cousin that happens to be one of my best friends. I spent six days visiting my family, meeting my cousin’s (now fiancé), spending time with my other cousin’s sons and driving my grandmother’s car into a ditch. Let’s do the math; being raised in Florida + NEVER being taught how to drive in the snow = should NOT be allowed to drive on icy roads, especially ones with very sharp curves.

After Nashville , comes London . Yes, this one was VERY random. I bought my ticket four weeks before I left and spent five days in one of the most amazing cities I’ve been to so far! Traveling to another country on your own can be terrifying or it can be liberating. Luckily for me, it was the latter. Walking the streets of this city, meeting some amazing people, and seeing things I had only read about in books was the definition of enchanting.  Oh, and I can’t forget about the food. It was phenomenal! I remember one specific moment when I was walking through Westminster Abbey, looking at one of the most beautiful buildings in the world, feeling closer to God then I had felt in a long time, seeing the burial places of some of the most influential people in history and thinking about how I wouldn’t have been standing in that moment if That One Boy had never broken my heart. I remember thinking about how thankful I was that he did, and how I would have done it all over again if it meant I could live in that moment forever.

 Three weeks after my return from London I took off on a ten hour road trip with my Aunt and little cousin to Virginia . We visited Colonial Williamsburg, saw some breathtaking plantation houses and spent twenty-four hours being treated like VIP in Washington DC . When they say “it’s all about who you know” they aren’t kidding. Knowing people is how we got to walk through the gates of the white house, into the briefing room and how our names will forever be among the likes of Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon, JFK, Jackie Kennedy, Obama, Michelle Obama, and hundreds more. D.C was by far my favorite part of the entire trip, and I find the city pulls at the heart strings every time I think of it.

After the family vacation I spent the next few months finishing up some needed classes, and working to make up for the (rather large) amount of money I had spent in the previous months. By the time November came along I was ready for some more family time, Indianapolis being my point of interest. My little cousin enlisted in the Marine Corps in early 2010 and was scheduled to leave for basic training in the first few days of January 2011. I decided it was important to head up there to a. see him before he left, and b. see every other member of his family that I hadn’t seen in a while, which also included meeting three of my adorable little cousins. I spent about five days with them and was sad to leave, but ready to get back home and start planning for NewYork City . Being that I wrote an entire blog on my new favorite city, I won’t spend any time on it except to say it was magical.

The moral of my entire gypsy soul story is to say that if my heart hadn’t been broken, if I were still being held back by the restraints of dating That One Boy, I would have NEVER had the opportunities that 2010 brought to my life. He wasn’t worth missing out on these marvelous places, and he definitely wasn’t worth what they ended up teaching me about myself. Changes in life can be hard, they can make you feel like nothing will ever be the same, and while that may be true, I promise they will only be better. Don’t ever let anyone define the person that you are, and more importantly, don’t allow them to hold you back from your dreams that will inevitably create the person you’re going to become. 

“A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.”

            -Lao Tzu

“It is always the same. Once you are liberated, you are forced to ask who you are.”

            -Jean Baudrillard

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”

            -Joseph Campbell

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things (singing voice)

We all have things that make us happy. From a certain type of food to your favorite getaway, these things just put a smile on your face and bring solace to your day. Make a list of your favorite things and try to incorporate AT LEAST one item into your daily routine. Allow yourself to forget about all of the stress, the worrying, or the things that need to be done, just for a few minutes, and you will begin to become an all around happier person. Here is a list of some of my favorite things, although my list could go on forever!

Red Velvet Cake

Runaway Bride

Strawberry Banana Smoothies

Traveling

Potatoes (of any kind…the more carbs, the better!)

Reading

Writing

Oprah Winfrey (we’re best friends)

Ellen DeGeneres (she completes the Tia-Oprah-Ellen trifecta)

Sleeping in (something that unfortunately doesn’t/can’t apply to my life until this semester is over)

Making lists ( I like crossing things off)

Venting (I’m sorry to those of you that have to endure my raw emotions)

Tim Tebow (Yes, I’m one of THOSE girls)

Criminal Minds (as in the television show, although I would enjoy dissecting a criminal’s mind.)

Psychology

Black and White pictures

Pedicures (bi-weekly, it’s mandatory)

Hanging out with Sarae

Ellie's smile

Now, for a few of my favorite quotes :)

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

-Ghandi

"It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

"..but the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

-Sex and the City

I'll Take Insomnia With a Side of Obesity, Please.

As a full-time college student many of us experience stress in waves. The tsunami of all tsunamis typically rears it's ugly head as we're sitting in the last class of the week, going over our syllabus, reading the course calendar and realizing we have a test scheduled in every class, on the same day all semester long. At this point we begin to convince ourselves that all of our professors got together, decided they hated every single one of their students, plotted against us, thus planning our d-day and probably laughing about it. Narcissists. Then of course, it returns at the end of the semester in the form of final exams, just to remind us that we really don't have lives and that tiny intermission was just a test. To add to that death sentence there are also papers, homework assignments, quizzes, if you're a psych major like myself there is TONS and I mean TONS of research on topics you probably don't care too much about, grad school preparation (GRE, GMAT) labs, internships, externships, reading, and the list goes on. Oh, but life doesn't end there. Our slavery duties then spill over to the workplace. If you're anything like me it takes everything you have NOT to think about everything else you could possibly be doing with your time while instead, you're pretending to like the annoying people walking into your place of business (annoying because they have a day off and you don't), faking smiles, and doing everything you can to make their day better when really, all you want to do is go home, and go to sleep (which you can't do because when you go home you have 45 assignments and 3 quizzes to submit before midnight). Trying to have a social life is almost impossible, you find yourself fitting people in at odd hours of the night, googling late night salons, dentist offices, doctor's offices and who knows what else in hopes of not looking like a wreck all semester, working out at 2 am and scheduling sleep. If you couldn't already tell, The Stressful Life of a College Senior would take up about 500 pages in my biography and then the book would end. Recently, I found myself stressing out about the amount of stress I've (unfortunately) put on myself this semester and came across an article on ways to manage stress. Here's what I thought important:

Effects of Stress (not in any particular order)                           
1. Insomnia (Check)
2. Obesity
3. Heart disease
4. Skin conditons
5.Autoimmune disease
6. Memory loss (Check)
7. Moodiness (Check)
8. Agitation (Check)
9. Short-temper (Check)
10. Feeling overwhelmed (double-check)

Stress-Relievers (not in any particular order)
1.Listen to music
2. Have sex
3. Balance your diet
4. Journal
5. Exercise
6. Meditation
7. Do something you love
8. Set aside personal time (mental health days!)
9. Say 'no' more often
10. Hang out with a kid

I for one will be practicing some of these stress relieving activities in high hopes of salvaging my sanity. I highly suggest you all do the same!

"Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency."

         -Natalie Goldberg

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

                           - Pooh's Little Instruction Book

Once Upon a New York City

Hello world J I must first apologize for my short sabbatical for I was busy crossing things off of my bucket list and falling in love with yet another city. Christmas night my best friend of nearly two decades and I embarked on an alluring ten day journey to the ever enchanting New York City. I’m no stranger to being captivated by the beauty of a city, earlier this year London stole part of my heart and then Washington D.C changed my life, but I will say New York City was by far the most mesmerizing. The second we stepped off the airplane (after layering ourselves enough to sleep on the streets of Antarctica) I could feel my mood and complete state of mind begin to uplift. I felt as though I walked out of the end of a very hard year/harsh reality and into my own personal fairytale. Our first stop was Times Square and let me just say, those lights really will inspire you. Going from complete darkness on a side street to turning the corner and having to squint your eyes was something I’d never experienced (unless you count being blinded by the bathroom light at 4 am). After a short walk through Times Square we made the hour long odyssey (it really is an odyssey) to Poughkeepsie where we (unknowingly) spent the next two days straight thanks to a lovely blizzard. Stormi had never seen snow before so this was exceptionally exciting for her and mildly exciting for me. Don’t get me wrong, I do adore the pristine fluffiness and exquisite beauty of snow as it sits on trees and lands in your hair but I absolutely could not wait to get back to the city that had me at hello. After two (very relaxing) days in Poughkeepsie we jumped on a train and headed to the concrete jungle. When I say we “jumped” on the train, I’m being dramatic. We actually sat on the train for nearly two hours, reading our New York City site seeing book and “oooing and ahhhing” at the exquisite countryside. The first day we walked around everywhere and ended the day at Ground Zero. The gut-wrenching, knot-in-throat feeling that comes with walking beside the memorial wall, reading the dedications, seeing the cards and flowers that cover the sidewalks, and looking down on the (nearly built up) terrorist attack site is indescribable and something I believe everyone in this country should experience. Our tour guide was a first responder firefighter/survivor of 9.11 and his story brought me to tears. Something I never thought about until listening to him speak is the aftermath for the survivors. For me, (and millions more) 9.11 happened, it was on the news for what seemed like an eternity, it was sad but then I moved on. For him, and for all of the survivors and families of those that didn’t, 9.11 is a part of their every day and will be for the rest of their lives. The replaying of the events, the replaying of the last time they said “I love you”, the PTSD and the loss they all suffered is something they live through every day, something they should be applauded for, and something I could never fathom.

The next couple days were spent walking through the city, learning the subway routes and trying to stay warm. Central Park is beautiful, especially with snow covering nearly every inch of every hill. The Empire State Building made me nauseas but the view was breathtaking (make sure you spend the extra 15 bucks and go all the way to the top), Canal Street is definitely an experience worth partaking from the sellers stalking you on the streets to feeling like you’re making a drug deal when they hustle you into random restaurants, your stories will be timeless. The food in Little Italy (and basically the entire city) is something to write home about, the pizza is by far the best I’ve had, and the desserts are literally mouth watering. I didn’t even consider the hours of cardio I would have to put into working it all off as I took every single Heavenly bite. The Statue of Liberty is not as big as I thought she would be, nevertheless still Lady Lib. I don’t eat hot dogs but according to Stormi, they were phenomenal, as were the (very large) pretzels. Now, for the two things no one talks about but I think everyone should experience. Serendipity 3, and Ellen’s Stardust Diner. If you’re familiar with the movie “Serendipity” you may know which restaurant I’m referring to. Serendipity 3 is a charming little place off of

East 60^th Street

that serves a sinfully delicious dessert known as Frrrozen Hot Chocolate. Ever since I was twelve years old I dreamed of walking through the doors of this quaint restaurant and ordering one. As I got older the thought of randomly meeting John Cusack added to the allure. Frrrozen Hot Chocolate comes in a large enough for two glass and as I’m sure many of you are wondering, it’s cold and worth every single second of the ten year, two hour wait. I was like a kid on Christmas Eve, nearly bursting with excitement when the host called our names. Inside, there are Tiffany lamps hanging from almost every inch of the ceiling, lights, clocks, mirrors and decorative bulbs everywhere. This place is the epitome of delightful and I was completely enthralled.

Ellen’s Stardust Diner is a place a very sweet girl from Florida’s Hospital for Children told me I HAD to visit. It’s a 1950’s themed diner with pictures of Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, all of the Subway Girls, diner seats, neon lights, 50’s cars and vinyl records lining the walls. The special thing about this place is that all of the wait staff are auditioning for Broadway and they take turns singing songs from different musicals as well as some off the radio. These people don’t just sing, they put it all into these performances, walking across the tables, involving the customers, and putting on quirky glasses and outfits. This diner was by far one of my favorite, most memorable experiences in the city.

If you have a chance, and about ten extra minutes, take the 6 train downtown and when you get to the Brooklyn Bridge/City Hall stop DON’T GET OFF. They will tell you to get off, and you’ll feel like you probably should get off being that everyone else is and now they’re staring at you for your lack of movement but trust me, you won’t want to miss what happens next. As the train makes it’s turn around to become an uptown train you will pass a terminal called “City Hall” it was built and never used and it’s absolutely marvelous. I came across a random article about it before the trip and am SO thankful I did. Make sure you’re paying attention, you stop in front of it for literally 15 seconds (during which you will begin to freak out and assume the train is stopped forever and you’re never going to return, thus implying you will die on the 6 never to be heard from again) and then it continues uptown.

New Year’s Eve is something I will remember for the rest of my life. We got to Times Square around 4 pm and walked right in. After standing around the outside of the barricade for a while, we were ushered in and with in five minutes had made some amazing new friends. I like to refer to them as our “Canadians” and they were HILARIOUS. The next 8 hours or so went by as quickly as they possibly could thanks to this group. The night was filled with games, group hugs to keep warm, taking pictures of the cute boys in the distance, learning about Canada, talking about Florida, eating a box of $30 pizza, and laughing so hard at times I couldn’t breathe. I can’t leave out our other sets of new friends coming from places such as, South Carolina, Minnesota, Tennessee, Germany, and North Dakota. The last hour of the night was by far the most exciting hour of my life up to this point. From the lights to the music to the confetti flying around I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face. Ringing in the New Year in Times Square is a MUST for everyone. An absolute must.

New York City completely captured my heart and as sad as I was to leave, I couldn’t wait to sleep in my bed again…I got over sleeping in my bed after the first night and am now dying to go back to the city. I’ll be the person renting a tiny Brownstone in Brooklyn for some ridiculous amount of money, and then spend the next five years and extra cash renovating it to my liking just to be there every single day. Until then, it’s back to the grind with work and school but don’t worry New York, we shall meet again soon.

A special thanks to Shena (momma numero dos) for the lovely hotel room, to Jeremy for being my personal tour guide for a night, to all of the amazing people we met, to Dana and company for everything we put you through and of course, to Stormi for being my partner in crime!

“One belongs to New York instantly,

one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years.”  

-Thomas Wolfe (one of my FAVORITE authors, thanks to Ms. Pera)