Change Your Life One Thought At a Time

Let's talk about the future. Some of the most frequently asked questions include but are not limited to, "where are you going?", "where do you want to live?", "what do you want to be?", "do you want to get married and have children?" and the list goes on. We've all put some sort of thought into the people we are one day going to become. While I understand this concept, I'm more of a believer in evolving into the person you are "going to become" EVERY day. You're not just going to wake up one day and say to yourself, "this is the day. I am now the person that I have been dreaming of becoming. My life is complete." If we stop wanting to be something more than what we are, we're never going to be more than what we limit ourselves to be. Never try to out do yourself, appreciate the moment and what it means in your life but always try to better yourself. Ask questions such as "how can I make myself a better person?" or "how can I make my life what I want and know it can be?"  Make a list of all of the things you want in/for your life, focus on them and make them happen. We are all given the same time in a day, week, month, year etc. do something with that time. Set goals and expect yourself to follow through with them. Sharing your goals with someone else is always beneficial in achieving them. If you say them out loud and to another person, you're now accountable and will be more likely to stay good on your word. Our thoughts are often always our future. There is nothing more powerful than the mind and what it can do. You are literally creating your life with every thought you have about it, and about yourself. Re-evaluate your thoughts, compose them with things that will only better your life. Don't focus on the negative, doing this will only bring more negativity into your life. Stop looking at other people as the source of your sadness, anger, happiness, fears, etc. and look in the mirror. YOU are the source of ALL of these feelings. Yes, someone might break your heart, but by allowing yourself to suffer you're allowing them to control your emotions. Life isn't as complicated as we think. Direct your thoughts in a positive direction, imagine the life you want and live it. Take every painful event, every obstacle and every detour as a learning experience. You will ALWAYS come out with a better perspective, and will ultimately be happier in your own life IF you allow yourself to be. Again, we ALL have the same time in a day. What are you going to do with yours?

"It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how they are themselves."

-Carl Jung

"Though we can't always see it at the time, if we look upon events with some perspective, we see things always happen for our best interests. We are always being guided in a way better than we know ourselves.

-Swami Satchidananda

"When you welcome your emotions as teachers, every emotion brings good news, even the ones that are painful."

-Gary Zukav

Thank You For Nothing, Again

Have you ever been attempting a conversation with someone and while they are pretending that they are listening (nodding their head, muttering the occasional “oh” and “yeah”) in reality they are too preoccupied with everything else going on around them?  When I say ‘everything else’ I am referring to unsubstantial things such as watching television and playing games. This is something I’ve been experiencing with someone in my life and let me just tell you, it makes my blood boil. I’m not an unrealistic person actually, it’s quite the opposite. I do enjoy a dream every now and again, but I also believe that dreams aren’t good for anything unless you put them into motion. Having said that, I understand that people aren’t always going to want to listen, and sometimes, you’re not always going to want to talk, nevertheless, this person enjoys pretending that we have some sort of great relationship to everyone else. Just a little hint, we don’t. They like to tell people about my life (like whatever I tell them is any of their business to be spouting out to others) which, in turn has taught me not to tell them anything at all, they think doing something I’ve asked them to do 4 months ago is supposed to get some sort of positive response from me, and the list goes on. When I am talking to this person they aren’t listening. I could be telling them about an absolutely horrible day and they will just nod and continue to piddle around. Sometimes I consider telling them I just came from the doctor and was told I have 3-6 months to live just to see if they will respond. I find this incredibly annoying. You know the feeling you get when you’re so annoyed with someone, you want absolutely nothing to do with them? For me, this feeling starts in my chest, I can feel it tighten as I’m becoming more and more perturbed, then I start going over everything I would like to say in my head, playing out the entire conversation (winning the argument, of course) and finally I walk away, because if I don’t I will say the things going on in Tia land and if you know me, you know that’s probably not a good thing. The feeling ends with literally not speaking to them, and being highly (and I mean HIGHLY) annoyed when they so much as look in my direction.

Something that I’ve learned recently is to not expect a person in your life to be the person that you are. In other words, don’t expect your best friend to drop everything he/she is doing to hang out with you just because you would do the same for them. Or, if you’re in a relationship, try and steer clear of the “I can’t believe you did that. I would never do something like that” remark. Living your life this way will only end in consistent disappoint. If you’re going to choose to have someone in your life, you have to have all of them, and that includes the parts you don’t like. HOWEVER, I find it incredibly rude when someone is hearing the sounds coming out of your mouth, but they aren’t listening to the words. This may seem a little harsh of me, given the fact that communication (speaking, listening, understanding) is a part of what I do on a daily basis and is now sort of a part of my being BUT, isn’t it what we all do? Communication is the key to a successful relationship, whether it be with your significant other, employer, parent, or friend. Without communication, your relationship WILL fail. Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble with that one. This relationship of mine is on its way to the chopping block and the turn around isn’t looking so good. Listen when someone is talking to you. You know when someone is venting and when someone needs feedback, it’s not hard to distinguish. If you just listen and learn how to speak to someone (as oppose to at someone) you will find that your relationships are progressing to the positives, and you will generally be much happier.

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

-Steven Covey

"When people talk, listen completely. Most people  never listen."

 -Ernest Hemingway

"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."

-Tony Robbins

Living on Earth is Expensive, but it Does Include a Free Trip Around The Sun Every Year

As I mentioned before, this past year I was determined to travel as much as possible. I didn’t  have a plan (that I knew of) , I didn’t know where I wanted to go, all I knew was that I was going to go places I wasn’t able to go for the previous four and a half years. I don’t believe in regrets because they’re just a complete waste of time, but I will say being in a long-distance relationship tends to limit your traveling experiences. For three of our four years together I spent all of my vacations visiting That One Boy and can honestly say I didn’t mind at all. It wasn’t until he decided to ruin everything that I realized he wasn’t worth missing out on the one thing I’ve wanted to do since I was a little girl. I used to dream about traveling the world when I was younger; it started when I realized Belle (from “Beauty and The Beast”) didn’t live in Florida . I needed to know exactly where she lived ( Province , France ) and I needed to go there.  Unfortunately for me, I haven’t made it to Province yet but when I do I will pretend I’m a Disney Princess and spend my days singing through the streets of a random village where all of the villagers will hang out of their windows and sing back to me. Let’s hope they don’t practice the art of baker acting in France . Okay, back to reality. I decided to start my year of adventure as soon as possible; thus, leaving for Nashville on January 5, 2010. It’s not as random as you probably think. I have family in Nashville and a cousin that happens to be one of my best friends. I spent six days visiting my family, meeting my cousin’s (now fiancé), spending time with my other cousin’s sons and driving my grandmother’s car into a ditch. Let’s do the math; being raised in Florida + NEVER being taught how to drive in the snow = should NOT be allowed to drive on icy roads, especially ones with very sharp curves.

After Nashville , comes London . Yes, this one was VERY random. I bought my ticket four weeks before I left and spent five days in one of the most amazing cities I’ve been to so far! Traveling to another country on your own can be terrifying or it can be liberating. Luckily for me, it was the latter. Walking the streets of this city, meeting some amazing people, and seeing things I had only read about in books was the definition of enchanting.  Oh, and I can’t forget about the food. It was phenomenal! I remember one specific moment when I was walking through Westminster Abbey, looking at one of the most beautiful buildings in the world, feeling closer to God then I had felt in a long time, seeing the burial places of some of the most influential people in history and thinking about how I wouldn’t have been standing in that moment if That One Boy had never broken my heart. I remember thinking about how thankful I was that he did, and how I would have done it all over again if it meant I could live in that moment forever.

 Three weeks after my return from London I took off on a ten hour road trip with my Aunt and little cousin to Virginia . We visited Colonial Williamsburg, saw some breathtaking plantation houses and spent twenty-four hours being treated like VIP in Washington DC . When they say “it’s all about who you know” they aren’t kidding. Knowing people is how we got to walk through the gates of the white house, into the briefing room and how our names will forever be among the likes of Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon, JFK, Jackie Kennedy, Obama, Michelle Obama, and hundreds more. D.C was by far my favorite part of the entire trip, and I find the city pulls at the heart strings every time I think of it.

After the family vacation I spent the next few months finishing up some needed classes, and working to make up for the (rather large) amount of money I had spent in the previous months. By the time November came along I was ready for some more family time, Indianapolis being my point of interest. My little cousin enlisted in the Marine Corps in early 2010 and was scheduled to leave for basic training in the first few days of January 2011. I decided it was important to head up there to a. see him before he left, and b. see every other member of his family that I hadn’t seen in a while, which also included meeting three of my adorable little cousins. I spent about five days with them and was sad to leave, but ready to get back home and start planning for NewYork City . Being that I wrote an entire blog on my new favorite city, I won’t spend any time on it except to say it was magical.

The moral of my entire gypsy soul story is to say that if my heart hadn’t been broken, if I were still being held back by the restraints of dating That One Boy, I would have NEVER had the opportunities that 2010 brought to my life. He wasn’t worth missing out on these marvelous places, and he definitely wasn’t worth what they ended up teaching me about myself. Changes in life can be hard, they can make you feel like nothing will ever be the same, and while that may be true, I promise they will only be better. Don’t ever let anyone define the person that you are, and more importantly, don’t allow them to hold you back from your dreams that will inevitably create the person you’re going to become. 

“A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.”

            -Lao Tzu

“It is always the same. Once you are liberated, you are forced to ask who you are.”

            -Jean Baudrillard

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”

            -Joseph Campbell