I Tip My Hat To You

Recently, my little town of St. Cloud endured a very tragic loss. A dear friend of many lost his life fighting for our freedom in Afghanistan at a time when giving back and helping others is the talk of the season. For the extraordinarily brave people fighting for so many strangers, giving is the talk of their lives. I'd like to take the time to thank all of the men and women serving our country, who have served our country, and who are waiting to do so. None of us are invincible, although we tend to think we are. Take the time to tell people how you feel, to forgive someone that you may not believe deserves forgiveness, to show kindness to a complete stranger, and to spend time with the people that mean the most. Turn off your television, turn down the radio, sit down and reconnect.

To my wonderful family and friends: I love you all more than you know, and appreciate every day I am blessed to be a part of your lives.

To Joey and Jesse: Thank you, I love you both tremendously.
To all of our service men and women: Thank you, we are in your debt forever.
RIP Patrick Deans.

If I Knew

by Norma Cornett Marek

If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day. If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming you would know I do. If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, Well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, And we always get a second chance to make everything just right. There will always be another day to say "I love you," And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do?" But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight. So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day, That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss And you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish. So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear, Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Thank you," "Please forgive me," or "It's okay." And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

Spend a Day Being Busy Doing Nothing

I’m almost positive none of you are strangers to the hustle of every day life. Unless you’ve been graciously blessed with millions of dollars (unlike myself) and don’t have to work for a living, it becomes too easy to get caught up in schedules, routines, and everything business. Most of the time we’re oblivious to the fact that our lives are happening right now, every second of every day and if we don’t stop to breathe we’re going to miss out on a lot. The other day I realized I was being sucked into this dangerous abyss when I found myself scheduling a phone call. I was sitting at work texting with a friend and we literally went through our calendars, deciphering schedules and picking a day and time to sit down and have an actual conversation. The only word I can think of to describe the feeling I had when I realized what we were doing is ‘sad’. Our relationships, the one we have with ourselves, and the ones we have with others are one of the most important things in life and we shouldn’t have to schedule time for them. I know you’re thinking “Okay, but I’m a full time student” or “I have a full time job, there are some of us with responsibilities” and I’m right there with you. I am a full time student, I have a full time job and my (rare) days off are typically spent running errands, baby-sitting my more than worth it God daughter, catching up on two weeks worth of laundry or (rarely) cleaning something. In my opinion, these are all excuses. Never be too busy for yourself, for your family, for your God, or for your friends. One of my all time favorite things to do is to have a “mental health day” I’ve been doing it since I was in high school and it’s basically a day when I (spontaneously) decide that I’m not going to do anything other than the things that make me happy. No school, no work, no homework, no leaving the house if I don’t feel like it. Usually I spend these days laying around in my pajamas watching movies (or my best friend, Oprah) and eating the types of food that should only be seen on my guilty pleasure list. I may venture out to get a pedicure or see a movie but typically I stay in and build up the energy I’m going to need to get me through the months until my next mental health day. Take a mental health day. Work on yourself, and work on your relationships with others. Remember how important balance is to our lives, and practice it.  

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity, but balance, order, rhythm and harmony.”

            -Thomas Merton

“I’ve learned that you can’t have everything and do everything at the same time.”

            -Oprah Winfrey

Why Oprah is My Home Girl

I absolutely love Oprah Winfrey. I’m not talking about loving her in the sense of watching her show every day (of course I do) but more like I would probably be arrested for stalking if she lived anywhere near me. I know everything about her from her birthday (January 29, 1954) to the fact that she was raised on a farm in Mississippi. I will meet that woman one day, and we WILL be best friends. Here are some (compared to the magnitude) of reasons why I love this woman:

1. The Leadership Foundation Academy-this is a school for girls in South Africa that Oprah founded.

2. Oprah’s Angel Network- this network raises money for charitable organizations around the world.

3. The fact that she continuously strives to send a positive message.

4. She came from nothing (literally nothing) and made herself into the most influential woman, and one of the most influential people in the world.

5. She loves cheese

6. She recommends phenomenal books

7. She appeared on my other best friend (Ellen DeGeneres’) show. (Oprah doesn’t do interviews)

8. She takes people to Australia…because she can.

9. “Biology is the LEAST of what makes someone a mother.” –Oprah Winfrey

            -I am a HUGE supporter of adoption (my cousin was adopted from China) and love that someone that doesn’t have ‘children’ in the raw sense of the word can acknowledge this fact.

10. “I have a lot of things to prove to myself. One is that I can live my life fearlessly.”

-Oprah Winfrey

            -The title of this blog is explanation enough.

Everyone should love this woman!

Becoming a Statistic

For all of the amazing things our glorious country is known for, marriage is not one of them. The United States is numero uno on the (recorded) divorce rate list for 2010, 2009, 2008 and I’m sure the years keep going (I sort of got depressed and stopped looking). Call me crazy but I believe that marriage is forever. When two people stand before God, before their family and friends and repeat the words “til’ death do us part” I really do believe it should be until death. Of course most people don’t say their ‘I do’s’ with the notion of divorce in their head, why then, do over fifty percent of couples in our country become that statistic? They stop choosing love, that’s why. They stop making their relationship a priority and they throw in the towel. A little over six months ago my parents decided they were going to put our family on that list. As I’m sure you can imagine the shock I felt when my mom sat me down to tell me my entire life was about to change. Who thinks their parents are going to get divorced when you’re in college? I certainly didn’t.  I felt like I was going through another break-up except this time it was a twenty-one year relationship. I remember talking to some of my friends about it and while they were all very sympathetic I recall some saying things like “well at least it’s happening when you’re older, it’s so much worse when you’re a kid and can’t comprehend what’s going on.” This statement frustrated, scratch that. This statement pissed me off more than anything. How do they know if it’s harder? They have no idea what this feels like. I spent twenty-one years knowing my parents as a married couple. We went on family vacations every year, we spent Sunday’s grilling with friends and watching football and we went out to dinner together at least once a week. I was always so proud to tell my friends that my parents were still married. I looked to them as the role model relationship that I one day wanted to have. I believed they were the parents that were in it for the long haul no matter how rough the road got so I’m sure you can put the pieces of anger I felt together when they told me they were giving up, that they had given up a long time ago and had only stayed together for my benefit. Seriously? For my benefit? Let me just tell you that’s the biggest load of bull I’ve ever heard in my entire life, and believe me, I’ve heard A LOT of bull. There have been three people in my life that I trusted more than anything. Three people that I loved unconditionally and that I never thought would lie to me and let me down. Surprisingly enough, they did. That One Boy and my parents did those exact things to me and I just wanted to scream. Actually, I did scream, a lot. I screamed, I cried, I laughed, I ranted, any sort of emotional expression you can imagine I expressed in those first few months.

If you know me, you know that I am an EXTREMELY rational person. I can usually see both sides of anything, even when I happen to be on one of the sides and so I continued to talk myself out of being upset because “I wasn’t the only one.” I would tell myself there were so many people in the world going through pain I couldn’t even fathom and I needed to suck it up and move on. Never.Do.This. Yes, there are people all over the world experiencing things so much worse than anything I’ve ever had to go through in my (very blessed) life BUT that doesn’t mean what I felt wasn’t real, wasn’t important.

Now, here we are, right in the middle of the first holiday season as a statistic and the next milestone in the life of the divorced is about to happen. I’m meeting the new addition to my dad’s life in just a few days and I’m not sure how to feel about it. The ten year old in me wants to be sassy and give her a run for her money (I’m a PRO at this) but the adult I’ve so unconsciously grown to be knows better. I’m not sure if she’s a packaged deal, or if she comes solo but I do know I’m not ready to think in terms of step-siblings. I always thought I would be more concerned with disliking anyone that came into my parent’s new lives but as I’m going through it the only thing I can think about is “what if I like her?” It’s very, very hard to win me over and if she’s capable of doing so I’m going to have to acknowledge that. For the first time in my adult life, I wish I had siblings. At least I wouldn’t have to sit through these fun-filled dinners on my own. On the other hand, I have been SO blessed with some of the most amazing friends on the planet and they are the reason I am where I am today.

No matter what you’re going through in life, let yourself go through it. Let yourself feel complete happiness when you’re happy, and complete sadness when you’re sad. Put your whole self in. Walk through the storm, don’t ignore it and I promise there will be a very bright rainbow waiting for you on the other side.

“A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you.”

-Margaret Alwood

“When life turns, as it invariably will-when it seems nearly impossible to summon the courage to go on-there is only one best thing to do; put your whole self in.”

-from One True Theory of Love

Oh Darlin' Don't You Ever Grow Up

When you're little all most kids can think about is how exciting it's going to be to grow up. You go from wanting to spend every second with your parents to asking them to drop you off around the corner just to be sure your friends don't see you with them (even though none of you can drive and they clearly got dropped off by their parents as well). When I was six years old I remember thinking that I couldn’t wait to be twelve because when you’re twelve you are old enough to have braces, and I could hardly contain the excitement I had to one day be able to pick out colored rubber bands to match my cheerleading uniform. It also meant I would be in sixth grade, middle school, the first year of changing classes and according to me, my first taste of “real life”. When I was nine, I couldn’t wait to be thirteen because thirteen meant I was a teenager and being a teenager meant I no longer had to wait for my mom to watch “Dawson’s Creek” to ensure it was suitable for my viewing pleasure before I indulged myself in everything Pacey Witter. During middle school I couldn’t wait for high school, and during high school I couldn’t wait for college. It wasn’t until my freshman year of college I realized the other side of the excitement. The added responsibility, the paying of my own bills, the utter terror of actually having to handle my own problems instead of running to daddy (Yes, I was a daddy's girl). Growing up I never thought twice about anything. Life happened and I was happy. I never needed for anything and if we’re being completely honest, I never wanted for anything either. I can admit I was spoiled, very spoiled but only materialistically. Bad behavior was an absolute deal breaker in my house. As soon as I disobeyed or displayed any type of unacceptable demeanor you better believe my mom took matters into her own hands which usually meant grounding me from my dearly beloved Barbies. I know there were many times I threatened my parents with the "just wait until I'm 18, I'm moving out and never talking to you again!" and I'm sure half of those tantrums were received with sighs of relief and thoughts that probably went something like "thank God, how many years do we have to go?" Looking back on my adolescent years always brings a smile to my face. It's compiled of bittersweet memories (playing four-square with my friends, having homework that took ten minutes to complete and pretending to be Kelly Kapowski from 'Saved By The Bell') I usually wish I could return to but there are times those memories linger with only the presence of appreciation. As much as I dream of returning to my Power Ranger days [the green ranger (who then changed his identity to become the white ranger) and the pink ranger were meant to be together] I am learning to live in the present. Every day of your entire life has prepared you for this moment. Do something with it. Become something magnificent, become the person you dreamed of becoming when you were in kindergarten being asked what you wanted to be when you grew up. The transition into the world of grown ups unfortunately means seeing life for all of it's downfalls. It means losing friends to petty arguments and realizing becoming the next President doesn’t just happen because you want it to. Luckily for us, the good times almost always exceeds those downfalls and make us thankful for them in the end. Look back on your childhood memories and learn from them, carry them with you forever and don’t ever grow too old to maintain the imagination of the child with in you. Dream big dreams, but remember you also have to to set them in motion. If you do the work, I guarantee you will get to where you want to be.

“Never lose your childish innocence. It’s the most important thing.”

–Under the Tuscan Sun

"Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions."
-Albert Einstein

Some Holiday Cheer for The Perpetually Single

Okay, so maybe the use of the word "perpetual"is a little dramatic, nevertheless, this will be the second year of celebrating the holidays as a proud and self-content single lady. I know many of you are thinking "So what? I've been single every holiday season since my seventh grade boyfriend." While I totally understand where you're coming from, us "relationship junkies" might need some help figuring out how to get through "the most wonderful time of the year" on our own. Christmas is my FAVORITE holiday full of family, friends and wonderful traditions. Last year was my first "boyfriend-less" Christmas in four years (quite a transition but hey, I saved tons of money!) and this year will be my first "separate sides of the family" Christmas, well, ever. Deciding who's house to wake up at or who to spend Christmas Eve with and Christmas day with can be absolutely exhausting and can completely take the joy out of (what I believe to be) the greatest birthday of all time. For those of you who are feeling extra lonely this holiday season, here are some suggestions that (may or may not) help ease the sting.

 

1. Create your own Traditions

    -As we are all turning into big bad responsible adults maybe it's time to create something that's exclusively ours, and separate from the traditions of mom and dad. This doesn't mean you have to forget about your childhood years, just add some adult independence to it.

 

2. VOLUNTEER

    -For me, nothing is more satisfying than giving back. There are so many children spending the holidays in a hospital, go spend a few hours playing games with them. Endless amounts of people are spending the holidays on the streets, go to a shelter and help serve them a warm holiday meal. Whatever you decide to do, do it with love and with respect.

 

3. Throw a Party

    -Just because you're single doesn't mean you have to spend the holidays alone! Throw a Singles Party, an Ugly Sweater Party, a Girls Only Party, whatever it is, surround yourself with friends and people of absolute quality and I gurantee your lonely feelings will subside.

 

4. Make a List of All The Things You're Thankful For

    -Sometimes we become so caught up in our daily routines we forget about what past actions got us here, who helped get us here and why we're here all together. Take the time to remember all of those things. Write them down, and tell the people you're thankful for, that you're thankful for them.

 

5. Spend Some Time Looking Through the Eyes of a Child

    -No, don't steal anyone's kid, or even ask to borrow a kid but if you're lucky enough to have a child in your life, spend some time with them! Take them to see Christmas lights (you see decoration, they see magic), to visit Santa at the mall (you see a big guy in red, they see their dreams coming true), and ask them what Christmas means to them (their answers will amaze you!). Look into yourself and bring out that inner child! We could all use a lesson or two from the small people of the world.

 

If you're a Christian, remember what Christmas is about and celebrate Him! You're never alone! We were all given the greatest gift of all, let's remember WHY we're here and what it took to get us here.

 

The holidays are no time to be alone and no time to feel alone! Be the change you want in your own life, think positively, surround yourself with love, give out love, dance, laugh, and be merry! (Oh, and eat LOTS of food!)

 

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Rohatsu, Happy Ashura and any other holiday I've missed!  

 

 

Crazy Little Thing Called 'Love'

Love. It’s a natural desire. We all want to love and to be loved in return. It seems simple, I love you + you love me = happily ever after, right? Wrong. There are so many different types of “love relationships” but I’m going to focus on the one we all want to hear about. “The can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series kind of love.” You know, when you meet that one special person and all of a sudden your world becomes brighter, you start to care more about your appearance, applying some make-up or actually doing your hair instead of just throwing it up. You start to act like the person you want your new person to believe you to be (as if by some coincidence your new obsession can some how see your every move). You stare at the phone, becoming legitimately upset when it’s your mom lighting up the screen and then acting like you’ve just cured cancer when it happens to be the person you’ve been waiting for. It’s okay, you can admit it, we’ve all been there. No matter what anyone wants you to believe, love is the engine that keeps our machine going. I have been fortunate enough to experience these feelings first hand and also fortunate enough to be on the opposite side of that plateau, the downward spiral. There is ALWAYS a pivotal moment in every relationship that comes to an end, the moment when you know it’s over whether you actually decide to end it or not. The feelings that come with that moment are everyone’s worst nightmare. [Unless you’re a masochist and are into that sort of thing (hey, I don’t judge)]. The sinking gut, the endless tears, the fear of waking up in the morning and remembering what happened, reaching for the phone to send a text or make a call that you’re no longer allowed to make and then realizing you’re no longer allowed to make it. It’s miserable, it’s hell, it’s depressing, it’s the epitome of reaching rock bottom, BUT, it’s only temporary. Yes, that’s right. It will go away. They say time heals all wounds but I must admit, I don’t necessarily agree. Time makes dealing with wounds easier, time lessens the pain, but YOU have to heal your own wounds.

We all have that person. The one we will always remember no matter how hard we try to forget. I like to refer to mine as “That One Boy”. That One Boy was the one I (naively) thought I would marry one day. The one I fell desperately in love with, the one I spent years of my life with and the one that shattered my heart into tiny pieces not once, but twice. That One Boy was the one I thought I’d never get over, but after That One Boy comes the one I like to refer to as The “if only” Boy. The one is just couldn’t work with. The one I met several months after That One Boy and the one I came oh so close to loving. We all have one of those. The person that catches you completely off guard and makes you actually feel something again. All of a sudden those crazy feelings and behaviors are coming back and That One Boy is a distant memory (believe me, GREAT feeling). The “if only” Boy teaches us how to open up again, even though That One Boy made us feel as though we never would. My “relationship” with The “if only” Boy was short-lived, lasting only a few months but very much worth every second.

Over the course of the past year or more of single life I’ve learned one VERY valuable lesson: the love affair you have with yourself is the greatest love affair of all. Love yourself completely and I promise, you will love other’s more whole heartedly. You DO NOT need someone else to define the person that you are. You’re beautiful and you’re worth a million times more than what the one who broke you heart could give you, I promise. So get up in the morning and smile, do things that make you happy, spend quality time with yourself and give back to others. Know that you are amazing, and tell yourself every day. Love is a choice, choose to love yourself and choose to love others not because you have to, but because you want to. Love purely, unconditionally, wildy, intoxicatingly and with out regret.

That One Boy: I’ll always love you, and (yet again) I forgive you. Not for your benefit, but for my own. Thank you for all of the lessons you taught me, I (sincerely) wish you the best of luck.

The “if only” Boy: You meant more to me than you will ever know. Thank you for helping me open up my heart again and of course, for being extraordinarily wonderful.

To My Future and Forever Boy: I’m very much looking forward to meeting you…one day.

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."

Morrie Schwartz

"...but the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all if the one you have with yourself.

And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

Sex and The City

 

My "Before I Kick the Bucket" List

I’m sure many of you have seen the movie “The Bucket List” and now you're thinking you know exactly what direction this post is going to take, and you’re absolutely right. I made a “bucket list” when I was in tenth grade (it was my “Things to do Before I Die” list) and I encourage all of you to do the same. I am a firm believer in setting goals whether they are in your career, your education, your relationships, traveling, or bettering yourself. Let’s face it, we are all going to “kick the bucket” one day (unless you were raised in Florida and drank from the Fountain of Youth) and we might as well start living the life we often set aside for “some day” right now. We don’t know when our time is going to be up and whether you believe in a higher power or not, that, my dear friends is a universal truth. So take the time to make a bucket list and do the things you’ve always dreamed of doing! I’ll share my list with you, not in any particular order and put an [x] by the things I’ve accomplished so far. Some have been added in recent years.

1. Go to college [x]
2. Go to graduate school
3. Fall in love [x]
4. Move out of Florida
5. Travel the world [London (x)]
6. Start a non-profit organization
7. Get married
8. Have and adopt children
9. Show my children the world
10. Get a tattoo [x]
11. Go to Times Square for New Year’s [Almost x!!]
12. Go on as many mission trips as I can possible go on
13. Create meaningful relationships [x] –this one never ends!
14. Forgive someone that seems unworthy of forgiveness [x]
15. Shoot a gun (a big one)
16. Take a self-defense class
17. Learn how to drive a stick shift
18. Grow my hair for Locks of Love [x]
19. Volunteer [x]
20. Invest in the stock market [x…]
21. Drive across the country (United States)
22. Attempt to defeat a challenge at one of those restaurants that require you to consume ridiculous amounts of food. (Attempt being the operative word)

I'm sure my list will continue to grow as I continue to grow and I am more than happy with that. Never stop setting goals, once you've reached one, set another but remember to always appreciate the success of the first. We often try to out-do ourselves because we're afraid of never being as good as "we once were" but if you live with that mentality you will never learn to live in the present, and enjoy life as it is.

"With the past I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now"

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to

continue that counts."

Winston Churchill

Here is a link to the synopsis of "The Bucket List" 

 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0825232/plotsummary

If you have a traveling soul, check out this book; "1000 Places to See Before You Die"

http://www.mediafiredownloadlinks.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/16bacu8.jpg

Not Short for Anything, Just Tia

So it starts. The last part of my (2010) New Year's resolution of doing things I wouldn't normally do. Last year (2009) I promised myself that 2010 was going to be a year of travel, as well as a year of stepping outside my comfort zone and throwing myself out into the world as fearlessly and as equitably as possible. I am very proud to report that I have indeed succeeded in both of these tasks and am very much looking forward to sharing them with all of you. I am normally a very private person, hence the idea of blogging being completely foreign and highly uncomfortable, which of course, is why I'm doing it. The idea of sharing how I really feel is almost as scary to me as cockroaches, and if you know me you know that I hate everything about them from the way they crunch, to the way hairspray doesn't kill them quite as quickly as I would like. Really, I think it's a phobia. Having said that, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tia and no, it's not short for anything, just Tia. Since we will be spending some quality time getting to know each other I must ask that you please bear with me and I'm exploring this new idea and learning to embrace it.

With the ground that shakes the tree, no crop will become of it. -Chinese Proverb

Translation: If you are too nervous about life, or fear it's complications you will never

be able to enjoy it.