Have you ever been attempting a conversation with someone and while they are pretending that they are listening (nodding their head, muttering the occasional “oh” and “yeah”) in reality they are too preoccupied with everything else going on around them? When I say ‘everything else’ I am referring to unsubstantial things such as watching television and playing games. This is something I’ve been experiencing with someone in my life and let me just tell you, it makes my blood boil. I’m not an unrealistic person actually, it’s quite the opposite. I do enjoy a dream every now and again, but I also believe that dreams aren’t good for anything unless you put them into motion. Having said that, I understand that people aren’t always going to want to listen, and sometimes, you’re not always going to want to talk, nevertheless, this person enjoys pretending that we have some sort of great relationship to everyone else. Just a little hint, we don’t. They like to tell people about my life (like whatever I tell them is any of their business to be spouting out to others) which, in turn has taught me not to tell them anything at all, they think doing something I’ve asked them to do 4 months ago is supposed to get some sort of positive response from me, and the list goes on. When I am talking to this person they aren’t listening. I could be telling them about an absolutely horrible day and they will just nod and continue to piddle around. Sometimes I consider telling them I just came from the doctor and was told I have 3-6 months to live just to see if they will respond. I find this incredibly annoying. You know the feeling you get when you’re so annoyed with someone, you want absolutely nothing to do with them? For me, this feeling starts in my chest, I can feel it tighten as I’m becoming more and more perturbed, then I start going over everything I would like to say in my head, playing out the entire conversation (winning the argument, of course) and finally I walk away, because if I don’t I will say the things going on in Tia land and if you know me, you know that’s probably not a good thing. The feeling ends with literally not speaking to them, and being highly (and I mean HIGHLY) annoyed when they so much as look in my direction.
Something that I’ve learned recently is to not expect a person in your life to be the person that you are. In other words, don’t expect your best friend to drop everything he/she is doing to hang out with you just because you would do the same for them. Or, if you’re in a relationship, try and steer clear of the “I can’t believe you did that. I would never do something like that” remark. Living your life this way will only end in consistent disappoint. If you’re going to choose to have someone in your life, you have to have all of them, and that includes the parts you don’t like. HOWEVER, I find it incredibly rude when someone is hearing the sounds coming out of your mouth, but they aren’t listening to the words. This may seem a little harsh of me, given the fact that communication (speaking, listening, understanding) is a part of what I do on a daily basis and is now sort of a part of my being BUT, isn’t it what we all do? Communication is the key to a successful relationship, whether it be with your significant other, employer, parent, or friend. Without communication, your relationship WILL fail. Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble with that one. This relationship of mine is on its way to the chopping block and the turn around isn’t looking so good. Listen when someone is talking to you. You know when someone is venting and when someone needs feedback, it’s not hard to distinguish. If you just listen and learn how to speak to someone (as oppose to at someone) you will find that your relationships are progressing to the positives, and you will generally be much happier.
"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
-Steven Covey
"When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen."
-Ernest Hemingway
"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."
-Tony Robbins
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